When I look at you...

..I've been inspired to write another entry by a song I've been listening to the last couple of days....strangely enough it begins with the line "everybody needs inspiration" - but that isn't the topic I want to go into.. x) The song is called When I look at you.. I'd summarize it by saying it's about the times when everything stops working and we're totally LOST....

Everybody needs inspiration

Everybody needs a song

A beautiful melody

When the night's so long

Cause there is no guarantee

That this life is easy...

When my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I
I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore 
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I
I look at you 

In a way, this song could be sung to anyone I love, anyone who has the ability and capacity to comfort me, to actually be a light, something that motivates me to keep going until my own strength is back....That's when I LOOK at you....somehow that line has really fascinated me, also the way she sings it...and I wondered for what kind of person this song has been written. What kind of relationship would it have to be for me to really RECEIVE everything I need in a moment of severe despair, just by looking..? Looking isn't speaking or asking for advice, or hugging..it is just absorbing someone's eyes.. I think this must be extremely deep - eyes that pull me back to me feet when I just make contact with them. That can only happen when I know someone extremely well...and more important than that it's bound to be someone who loves me, because comfort can only come from someone who is suffering with you.....

When I look at you I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone

When I look at you I see forgiveness.. :) That is really powerful to me. It's more than saying "you have forgiven me" or "you will always forgive me"...it is about identity. How can someone BE forgiveness? To me, this line says You are forgiveness and forgiveness is so high, so much...it is a willingness to love in a sacrificing way, a desire for reconciliation...It is selfless, and wise, and the strongest part of love because it involves being hurt and continuing to love...I see the truth...Sometimes, often enough actually, I really wonder what is the truth? I want to know THE truth. Absolute truth...The truth is as broad and deep and significant as forgiveness, saying I see the truth is like saying I see reality, I see what is and what isn't, and I see myself....it's like I see everything - when I look at you. :)
Let's just say the further I listened to the song, the less any of this existed....

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colours 

That cover me, all I need 

Every breath that I breathe 

Don't you know, you're beautiful?…

Everything I need, every breath in my lungs, that is no longer merely about feelings - it is about satisfaction. ALL I need....what an incredible exaggeration if you think about it...x)

But I'm not out to ruin this song....I actually really really love it. :) But here's the thing....my view is that no one can be the one I look at who totally satisfies and heals me when I'm dying inside..no one is enough to be every breath that I breathe - the content and the CONDITION for my existence...that is DEEP, that is a LOT....it's too much. We may project our desires onto others, we might tell them you are everything to me but we know that it's not absolute, we never fully believe it because we can't. We know that it's not even possible.. Even though we may feel we need someone strongly, we'll always need oxygen too, and water, and freedom....space and silence..

Even though this is not a song in ANY way obviously pointing to it, it immediately, probably after the first few lines, made me think of Jesus....Jesus is the one I look at when my world has hit rock bottom. And I've been there, more than once....Throughout, honestly, unbearable moments it turned out that Jesus is the truth, the entire truth....that there is nothing relative about him, he is everybody's desire and everybody's answer. He is my answer too...And that's what's satisfying about him, he is THE answer. :) Without him there would be no air, no lungs, no life, no me, no need to breathe...he is the desire and the satisfaction - the thirst and the stream, the hunger and the food....When I'm losing everything and the most sacred things are breaking - and that happens, day by day by day - he is the way home, he IS home....

For me, it is WORTH my world falling apart - just to see him again, stronger, clearer, as beautiful as he is....he is not a part of life, he IS life.
So if your  world is falling apart, you don't even need to say anything to him, let it be a moment when you just LOOK at him.......

:))