The ONE (:

I know. I've kind of not yet written specifically much about who all this is about. :) By "all this" I don't mean my blog, I mean everything. Life. That is a...painful but absolutely liberating truth I've begun to face; that my life is not about me. It's not about my prestige, my success or even my happiness. Life itself is only about GOD. Our entire existence is only for him. I have no right to exist without it being for him. (But he gives us time to realize that...) I admit, this whole thought strangles my ego a lot  (emm...daily) and actually, I never really wanted to hear that - and often still don't. But it's the truth. I ONLY found happiness in meeting him. It's the same thing every moment of my life: I'm only filled down to my deepest cracks when HE is first on my priority list. When I make him any less (and.....I do that) my life turns into the biggest crap in the world.

It's not about simply believing in God or calling yourself a Christian or a Jesusfreak or who knows what....x)) I dare to say half-hearted Christians are the most unhappy of all. Because they feel the force of having to give time, strength into something they don't really LOVE.... and ultimately don't know. God is at most on 3rd or 4th place. The crux of the matter is HE IS GOD. What does that mean? It means he won't TAKE 2nd place. :) He doesn't want a part of you.... Keep it. If you are going to give, he wants all of you. As demanding as it sounds, this has changed me inside-out. The longer I think about it, the more I realize..... that and that alone gives me dignity. .......who else wants you, completely? - with every scar.

If I was able to live without God up til here, I can live without him til the end of my life, too.

If God hasn't shown himself to me until today, HOW could he be the answer to everything? -wouldn't I have NOTICED that?!

If life without God is possible, how can I really need him?

Know this? I do. :) These questions are darn hard to answer. Yes, I think it's important to use our MINDS, also when it comes to God. But Christians who get confronted with these statements or questions are....pretty stuck. It's not possible to prove the existence of God. I can't prove it to you. Only HE can - if you're willing to let him. But if you're already convinced that he's not gonna step into action, you've basically closed your eyes, waiting to discover the light...... We all know that what moves us most, what makes a difference in our lives is the non-material. What can't be bought, can't be seen or touched, or proved. If you tell yourself I have trouble BELIEVING, let me tell you, you don't. :) You believe in so many things, all the time. In the existence of love. Honesty. Friendship, or loyalty. While it's night, you can't prove to me that the sun will rise again. But you know it. You KNOW it. 

Why close your heart to God? 

Because you're afraid of LOSING something..?

Would you be willing to trade an old pair of socks that you've had for 17 years for the ability to grow wings and fly...?

You would be giving something away, maybe something you love.

 But is it even a question whether or not you'd do that?

It is. One look at the world..there's millions of people, sitting on the ground, frantically clinging to their socks.....

I want to tell you about this God that I've only vaguely described to you so far... :) I'm not gonna prove him to you, cuz I can't. But those who have fought their way through to a relationship with him know this: it's not giving your soul away and HOPING to gain something for it. It's not some cheap, pitiful hope.... It is KNOWING. I know that God exists. You may call me incorrect...but I'm not guessing or deducting, I am convinced, to the deepest core of my existence, that God DOES exist. He is realer to me than you are. He is realer than my own existence....

"Yes, Aaron, it's true. Pharaoh has the power. He can take away your food, your home, your freedom. He can take away your sons and daughters. With one word, Pharaoh can take away your very lives. But there is one thing he cannot take away from you: your faith." - that's a quote from The Prince of Egypt that I watched tons of times as a kid... Faith outlives death, outlives torture, outlives persecution of the most inhuman kind... - http://www.opendoors-de.org/verfolgung/ ...why? Apparently God offers something that people are not willing to let go of again. Something that MUST be more than a few good moral guidelines....That would not be worth my life. And definitely not my soul. I don't cling to God cuz I'm scared of hell. I cling to God cuz life without him is hell....

I'll try to find some words...

GOD.....is a Father. He is your soul's and your body's protector.... :) He comes to you when you need cover. When you need a strong arm to hold you, someone to EMBRACE you...longer and tighter than anyone ever has... He is the perfect father. No matter what your earthly dad is like, how many fatal mistakes he has made....God is the father you would have wished for all your life. Who is irrationally crazy about you, that he can't even be objective anymore.. :) He's the one who will ALWAYS be happy to see you..... who sits by your bed at night watching you and longing for morning when he can see you open your eyes again...

and GOD is a mother.... He can't forget you. He SEES you, when you're not alright and everything is just sh*t.. The mother who knows how you feel even before you've said it...who sees how you're struggling, trying to get through life, or why you don't try hard anymore, cuz you've given up... God sees when you're the biggest fool in the world and you need someone to feel sorry for... he feel compassion for you, because your pain breaks his heart....

and GOD is a friend :)) The friend who will call you up when you're down and take you out... The friend who is incredibly fun to be around, who makes you LAUGH.. x)) He knows what you like doing cuz.. he knows you, how you work... :) He respects you, won't force you into anything.. He's the friend who gives you the most affection and the biggest freedom......You laugh at the same jokes.... :) you're on a journey together, side by side... He's the friend who LOOKS for you in the crowd.. Where are you? You are the one he desperately wants to be with....

God is a councilor... When you're confused, when you're messed up..when you really think MAN I do NOT know how to get out of this....when you're unconfident or you don't see a point in all this anymore... He GETS you.. :) down to your core, he understands you the way you wish you could make yourself understood to the people around you... he knows your personality, you don't need to explain yourself to him.... :) And he's there to ADVISE you... He might say tough things to you when you need to hear them, because he doesn't want you to go that one step when you're standing at the abyss with your eyes closed... 

and GOD is a consuming FIRE.... YOU, when you meet God, you will go insane, your body, and your soul, and your spirit........ you will fall apart........ His POWER is greater than we can ever begin to understand... He BURNS.. he is alive...he's not a little flame...a little fire.. a little passion... HE IS A GIANT, roaring BLAZE... Sometimes his power is so intimidating because you'll realize how small you actually are....when you meet God, you won't be encountering something you can ever forget again... He will CONSUME you....

God is the KING, he's the lion... the caring mother and the mighty fire... he is the HEALER, the provider, the doctor..... He is EVERYTHING, all at once. And words don't at all do him justice...

Believe me when I say this, He is the only good thing that will ever happen to you... :)

Where God enters, everything is changed, he is the opposite to this world. He is perfectness :)))))..... and I really cannot deny that I have irreversibly and immortally fallen for him.......